The Complex Reality of Egg Donation Consent: Our Surrogacy Family-Building Journey
Building a family through surrogacy is never simple. The journey through egg donation in the UK and surrogacy in Mexico is filled with hope, heartbreak, and unexpected challenges, especially around the issue of donor consent.
As the co-founder of My Surrogacy Journey, I’ve advocated for transparency and education. But today, I’m writing as a parent who has experienced both the joy of egg donation and the devastating consequences when consent is withdrawn.
Egg Donation in the UK: Hope, Risks, and Gratitude
Our family began with hope. We chose egg donation to build our family, considering anonymous, known, and UK donor-release options. For our daughter, Talulah, a UK donor-release arrangement offered some security. For our son, Duke, we chose a known donor, believing openness would serve him in the future.
We are deeply grateful to both our donors. Their generosity made our family possible. Nothing about our experience diminishes that gratitude.
Donor Consent: Rights, Risks, and Emotional Impact
There’s a common belief that “known is best” for egg donation. While transparency and connection are valuable, the reality is complex. Donors in the UK can withdraw consent at any time before embryo transfer, a right that must be respected and protected.
Our known donor for Duke first removed consent for our embryos to be transferred to Mexico. Despite our efforts to explain the professionalism and safety of the Mexican fertility sector, our donor declined. Eight months later, she withdrew full consent, requiring the clinic to inform us that our remaining embryos would be destroyed in 2026. There was no direct communication, only heartbreak.
The True Impact: Conversations with Our Children
As parents, the hardest part is knowing the impact on our son. One day, we’ll have to explain why he can’t have a full genetic sibling—a decision made within another’s rights, but outside our control. Our third child, Otto, was born in Mexico from an embryo genetically linked to me and Talulah. We had hoped to move all embryos to Mexico for future transfers, but consent withdrawal ended that possibility.
Lessons for Intended Parents: Navigating Egg Donation and Consent
Every path, known donor, anonymous donor, UK donor-release, carries risk. Openness can bring vulnerability. The law protects donors, but the emotional fallout for families is profound.
Moving Forward: Advocacy, Empathy, and Respect
Our story is not just about loss. It’s about the urgent need for education, support, and legal clarity for surrogacy and egg donation in the UK and abroad. As an activist, I’ll keep pushing for change. As a parent, I’ll keep loving my children honestly, even when the conversations are hard.
A Message to Donors – From a Donor
I am not only an intended parent, but also a sperm donor. My gametes have helped create seven babies and new families. I understand the seriousness of becoming a donor and the lifelong weight of consent. Donors’ rights are foundational. I hold no resentment, only sadness that communication broke down. I hope our story encourages more open, compassionate dialogue between donors and intended parents.
For Intended Parents: Advice and Solidarity
Educate yourself, prepare for all outcomes, and approach donor relationships with empathy. There are no guarantees, but there is solidarity in sharing our stories. At MSJ, we stand with every family, however they are built.
If you have questions about surrogacy, egg donation, or family building in the UK or abroad, reach out to My Surrogacy Journey. You are not alone.
